Face the State

By Andrew Ripemoff

I hope police will begin to crack down on these dangerous petition gatherers, who apparently are going around and forcing innocent citizens (at gunpoint), to sign their petitions.

You haven’t heard about this? It seems to be a widespread problem in the Denver metro area. You’ll be walking out of the grocery store, minding your own business, carrying your sack full of wine coolers and hemorrhoid cream, when out of the blue, shady looking characters will jump out, asking if you’re a registered voter.

Ron Sumners/Dreamstime

God help you if you are, because then the situation gets dangerous. You’ll be forcefully led by thugs to an area where an angry man who looks like he just left the set of "The Sopranos" menacingly holds onto a clipboard, as he glares at you with an intimidating stare. And although you are extremely nervous, you somehow summon up the courage to ask him, "Can I at least read what this ballot initiative is all about before I sign it?" But he’ll cruelly laugh as you begin to tremble, because right behind you, you’ll hear a frightening cold metallic CLICK, which is probably the sound of gun being cocked and pointed at your head. Then again, it could be a ball point pen.

Either way, people all over Colorado are being manipulated into signing petitions. Take Dara Burwell, for example. She recently signed a petition in support of Amendment 46, a ballot initiative designed to end race and gender preferences in government. But Burwell, who happens to work for a liberal diversity training firm, now claims she was duped into signing it. She’s strongly against the measure, calling the petition gathering methods "deceptive." And when you hear the evidence she presents, you'll be angry too.

The black 25-year-old said she was approached at the library by (and get this): "a young black man who spoke of justice for minorities." The nerve. Clearly these anti-affirmative action zealots will stop at nothing.

She went on to tell FTS of her opposition to Amendment 46, saying: "...we people of color, women, etc., are not on an equal playing level with the most privileged in society" - a sentiment shared by others:

"I agree 100 percent!" said billionaire Oprah Winfrey, before departing on her Lear Jet to Monaco with Michelle Obama and Beyonce.

But perhaps you think this "petition deception" is an isolated incident. And perhaps you are stupid, because there have been a rash of these types of incidents lately, and by "rash" I mean three.

One of which includes the case of Candace J. Frie, who, in her formal complaint to Secretary of State Coffman, described her petitioner as being: "a person of color." Some of you may ask yourselves, "Who cares what color the petitioner is?" But you guys just don’t get it. We’re here to judge people on their skin, not by their character, which is why we need to label people and make sure government sanctioned discrimination continues.

Fortunately we have another ally in Rep. Morgan Carroll, who is also upset about these signature gathering methods. Carroll told Colorado Confidential: "There is a provision in Colorado law that prohibits misleading or misrepresentation statements, and this is a pretty freaky thing that is going on."

For the benefit of both our readers, let’s examine the exact wording behind this, "pretty freaky thing."

It states: The state shall not discriminate against or grant preferential treatment to any group or individual on the basis of race, sex, color, ethnicity, or national origin in the operation of public employment, public contracting, or public education.

See what I mean? That sounds VERY freaky. So thank you Rep. Carroll. We know that we can count on you and your staff to fight for us. And speaking of your staff, big thanks go out to your intern, Chloe Johnson, who is also one of the three complainants. She too, claims to have been tricked into signing the petition. In fact, many people unfortunately signed onto the measure without even reading the ballot language - what, with it being like "War and Peace" and all...Well, actually it’s only 37 words total, but you get my point. For her part, Johnson was so upset she called the governors’s office to try to get her name removed from the petition, to which I’m confident the governor replied:

"Sure! I’ve got time for that. No prob. I’m just the highest elected official in the state of Colorado is all. It’s not like I’m busy or anything. Let’s see here, Johnson, Johnson. Hmm. There’s like 128,744 signatures on this darn thing. Is it okay if I put you on hold while I look for your name? It should only take a couple of months."

The good news is that Chole Johnson has apparently gotten her name off of the petition. It may have been removed because she because was not, technically, registered to vote, but that’s not my main point, which is that we’ve got one signature removed. And you know what that means, only 128,743 more to go! So let’s get out there are fight for legal discrimination!

Just beware, it’ll will be a tough fight. Those anti-affirmative action supporters are dangerous, and they’ll use any means necessary to get you to sign.

They’re even packing ball point pens.