Attention all perverts and exhibitionists: Public acts of masturbation are about to become illegal. Oh, wait. But aren't they already?
Bvdc/Dreamstime
Not to state Sen. Bob Bacon, a Fort Collins Democrat, who has apparently spent a lot of time studying the issue. He has introduced Senate Bill 235 to ban public masturbation because he believes that Colorado's current definition of public indecency is not good enough to fight this most disgusting scourge.
Under current law, both public indecency and indecent exposure are banned. Both of these, however, only explicitly prohibit public masturbation outside the clothes or sexual acts with another person.
But what about masturbation under the clothes and in public? Not to worry. The state bans disorderly conduct, defined under C.R.S. 18-9-106(a) as "intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly: mak[ing] a coarse and obviously offensive utterance, gesture, or display in a public place and the utterance, gesture, or display tends to incite an immediate breach of the peace." Mind you, masturbation under this statute would only be a petty offense (the statutory exception would be if the act were done at a funeral - that's a misdemeanor).
At least then we could rely on a multitude of municipal ordinances that ban such acts.
Ok, so maybe Bacon is just worried that the penalty isn't severe enough. But with only ten working days left in this year's session, lawmakers should be focusing on bills that aren’t a waste of time. Not that we're Onanists around here. We just can't understand the urgency that provoked Bacon to introduce his SB 235 as a late bill. This brings his grand total of bills up to 11 (nearly double the five all lawmakers are allotted at the beginning of every legislative session).
Also of note, SB 235 also includes a safety clause, which states, “This act is necessary for the immediate preservation of the public peace, health and safety.” At least we know Doug Bruce won’t be voting for it. Then again, it may not be just the safety clause that turns him off.